News for Dummies 7/6

"You should probably lay low for a little while master!"

A giant 3 foot Rat is responsible for killing 2 babies in South Africa; Splinter has refused to comment.

Fighting flares in Al-qaeda held Yemen city; In a culture where dancing is banned it was obvious they were going to oppose the dancing pants of the 80’s

Scotland want to split from the UK and become a nation, this is a decision that is agreed on both sides the only thing stopping the split is that nobody wants Berwick, if it does go ahead they will also become their own country.

Man shot dead in South-London; The news must be truely shit this morning if this (almost expected) daily occurrence hit the papers.

Cheryl Cole has been spotted with Ex Husband Ashley Cole; It is a fact that Ashley Cole is like Panto in that everyone does him twice. Once on the rise to fame and once on the way back down.

Pharmaceutical companies reduce prices of vaccines to third world countries; Berwick look on the bright side.

Pomegranates can reduce stress in the work place; Oh good if I’m ever having a tough gig I’ll whip out a pomegranate!!

Wayne Rooney shows off his hair transplants on Twitter; He went against fashionable haircuts like Christiano Ronaldo and David Beckham instead opting for the classic Liverpool:

"Alrite Lad"