Friday, 3 June 2011

News for Dummies 3/2

We’ve lost the war on drugs; well if you can’t beat them, join them. There is only a drug problem because they’re illegal, I’m not paying Daz 20% for VAT on an ounce but if the government made me I guess I’d be obliged. There is no drug “problem” in Amsterdam.
A Croatian man punched a donkey in the face for chasing his daughter. Sol Campbell hates that nickname and insists he’s gay!
Spanish farms suffer due to false allegations from the Germans that it was their cucumbers causing the E-coli outbreak; In retaliation Spain suggested that Porsche Boxter, Audi TT and all BMW drivers are utter bell-ends.
ASOS reveals it's on track for one billion pounds worth of sales by 2015; Derren Brown claimed the brainwash involved to make people think it was a good idea to wear elasticated ankles on jeans with Espadrille shoes is nothing short of supernatural.
The cucumbers on my Farmville have got Norton anti-virus working overtime.
Four in five knife offenders escape jail; but to be fair the offence was only to scrape the crumbs back into the tub after buttering toast.
You can taste the world’s most expensive Kebab for £750, Prince William begs to differ saying the royal wedding cost a lot more than that.
German car sales have slumped.
Urgent changes are needed in the fishing quotas system to protect genuine fishermen and stop "slipper skippers" selling them on as a commodity WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!!????
REALLY WHAT THE FUCK….. THIS IS WHAT I’M WORKING WITH!!!!     I’ve stopped shouting now.
Wayne Rooney’s prostitute “Jenny Thompson was arrested in a drugs raid; Wayne said: “Give it up lad, the wars over!”

Karen Leigh want's me to change my font, how does this suit your needs you gimp!! P.S. The fact Tom text you saying “I wants a hug xxx” means he’s more your gay best mate than your boyfriend.

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