Thursday 23 June 2011

News for Dummies 23/6

What's with all the groping this week? I've already covered a politician and a sales manager each getting there grope on now a cop groping a woman and LOUIS WALSH with some bloke; What ever happened to getting a nod of consent before touching a person’s private parts?? I usually go for humour in my rants but today I want to send a message: Will everyone please stop bloody groping each other!? Not only is it wrong but I am really REALLY running out of fucking grope jokes!!

A sheep dog is turned on by a flock of sheep which proceed to chase him out of the field; I thought sheepdog were meant to be intelligent, why didn't he just run away from them in the direction he was trying to herd them?? They probably just wanted to grope him!

Someone grope Kenneth Clark for fuck sake, he's at it again.

A deadly new strain of salmonella has been found in pigs; so don't grope any pigs and be carefull with your beer goggles this weekend, you don't want to wake up next to one.

A 26 year old man used a crowbar to break into a man’s house in Manchester to steal his belongings; so the homeowner proceeded to break into the burglars ribcage with a knife and stole the air out of his lungs. Finally. A story with a happy ending... and thankfully no-one was groped!

A pill has been created for healthy women to help ward of the threat of cancer;  to qualify for the pill women must first pop in for a mammogram..... oh I see where this is going!!

Country music legend Glen Campbell has announced he has Alzheimer’s; we can expect to read this news story every day for the foreseeable future. It is a little known fact that people with Alzheimer’s make great grope victims.

Something about going to Wimbledon to grab some balls.

I'll be gigging at The Lescar in Sheffield tonight if anyone is in town (there will be a special mystery guest!!) But if I don't see you there I will see you here at this time tomorrow!! Please share this blog on your twitter and facebook to spread the word.

And if you do grope, please don't use your thumbs... no girl likes a pincer grope!!

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