News for Dummies 16/5

Owning dogs has been abolished in Iran, since it is considered an imitation of the vulgar culture of the West; On finding out this news a blind Iranian was quoted in saying: "Oh for fuck sake!!"

Natalie Portman has given birth to a baby boy; not gonna lie, I'd lick that baby clean for one taste of Princess Amidala!!!

Hundreds of thousands of children in China are being condemned to permanent mental and physical disabilities because of high exposure to lead; Parents should be made to stop hitting naughty children with the metal pipes.

Nurses have been banned from wearing low cut tops that show cleavage or midriff; about time, when my Granddad was in hospital he nearly had a stroke. But the nurse slapped him on the wrist.

Scottish man Sean Murphy shot of his own finger because of an irritating wart that wouldn't go away; he has been contained by police over suspicions he may try to assassinate Nick Clegg

Prince Harry gets inside his Apache again; And once he's finished rattling Nittawosew he's going to fly his helicopter over to Afghanistan.

A man on the M60 near Bury was hit by a car on the hard shoulder; if he had been hit on the weak shoulder he could have been seriously injured.

Research shows that olive oil can prevent strokes; Me and family guy beg to differ:


"now where's the nurse with the cleavage!!??"

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