Tuesday, 21 June 2011

News for Dummies 21/6

Tragedy as Ryan Dunn, star of cult TV show Jackass dies in a high speed car crash, watch this space as I expect any time soon Prichard from Dirty Sanchez will attempt to die in a much shitter way whilst screaming more as his friends over exaggerate for the cameras.

Former Egyptian prime-minister Hosni Mubarak has been diagnosed with cancer; Whatever Mr. Guilt trip, Jade Goody tried that one to win back our hearts, get your own publicity stunt!!

Something about the tennis; Fucking bore off, I'd only watch Wimbledon if I was 100% guaranteed Wombles!!

I can acknowledge Dani, 25, from Coventry is really fit; but I've not long since had a wank so she means nothing to me for at least the next 15 minutes

A stamp collection is set to sell for a record £20million. The collection actually consists of 76'923'076 second class stamps. "Over Seventy Million Stamps" that's a lot of letters.... 24 in fact!!

Intruders beat a man over the head with a shovel and stole his dog; It could have been worse, they could have beat him over the head with a dog and stole his shovel.

An old lady called Beaty Bullock has 118 descendants; her growler, nicknamed "Pandora's box" is so fertile she could have ended the great famine in Ireland by pissing on the tetty fields. Beaty once received an Easter egg and it hatched.

A milk man lost his job when his float was pulled over by police and he turned out to be way over the limit; They didn't even breathalyse him because when asked how many pints he had, he simply admitted "Fucking Hundreds!"

A quarter of people who have heart attacks under the age of 45 use cocaine..... Meaning three quarters of people under 45 who have heart attacks don't use cocaine...... we should probably start using cocaine!!???

A Leicester man was arrested for walking naked down a main road; this put many children’s lives at risk as they are taught to cross the road when the man is flashing.

Because I was late in putting the news up here are a bunch of pictures of Birds with Arms:

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