Friday, 13 May 2011

News for Dummies 13/5

All of a sudden the McCann’s are all over the news papers, I turn on sky news and they are doing a press conference. I’m trying to avoid the story because I’d rather not make jokes about a missing child. But the real reason for all this media attention dawned on me when I walk into Asda and I see her looking up at me…. From the front cover of their book, reasonably priced at just £9, the going rate for a piece of your soul.

BT’s profits have soared by 71% yet prices are still going up. I have been trying to complain all morning but I am still on hold to their international call centre in Asia.

Alarm that School exams are getting easier, The only thing I learned in school was that being disruptive meant you had to stay back after class. I tried to apply this in everyday life by being naughty during my driving lessons but they didn’t keep me back for extra lessons. I feel let down by the system; kids should be learning skills they can use.

Jedward (John and Edward Grimes) are planning on buying the house from Home Alone for $1.5. I just hope Harry and Merve do a better job of catching these little bastards because Michael Jackson isn’t around to finish the job off this time around.

A cashier sacked for stealing money has hurled a petrol bomb inside a bank in north-western China. This has shown good insight from the British way of doing things, because when our bankers steal money we give them bonuses! What started as a scandal is now seen as counter terrorism.

Facebook have hired a PR group to badmouth Google. This claim has put uncertainty over the following news headlines: Google has got dickies, Google still wets the bed and Google’s mam shops at Netto!

Torries blasted for making kids pay to use public parks this is a disgrace because they’ve already paid through the nose (lol) for the drugs they were going to use in there, how far do you think their EMA is going to stretch!?

Heather Mills has broke her shoulder in a bad Ski accident, I hear skiing holidays cost an arm and a leg!!

Blogger has been disabled (political correctness Kai choose another word!!) Blogger was Down (Kai that’s worse….) Look blogger was being fucking retarded this morning, so better late than never!!

Have a great weekend lets hope something huuuuge happens to make Monday interesting!!

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