Monday, 23 May 2011

News for Dummies 23/05

Strong winds in the North with a band of rain moving South throughout the day and scattered showers in the…. Ooops wrong blog, that was meant for weather for dummies!

It seems Ryan Giggs has been tapping some bomb ass pussy and doesn’t want his wife to find out, A Scottish Newspaper found a loophole in the Super Injunction and revealed his identity. They have also outed 3 more love rats:


2 Whales beached in Scotland and almost 60 more nearly suffered the same fate after mistaking Susan Boyles singing for a mating call.

Armed response surrounded a Siberian Tiger in a field in Hampshire to find out it was just a stuffed toy. The police chief said “this was highly embarrassing but not as embarrassing as the last time we surrounded a wild animal in a field and enlisted the help of Paul Gascoigne”

The Eyjafjallajökull volcano has blown again fucking hell that was a mouthfull…..which is also what your mam says every time something blows.

Potholes less than 1.5 inches deep will not be repaired under a council cost-cutting move. But Stephen Hendry still qualifies for plastic surgery under this legislation       

Get this; Over the weekend a dude tried to get his pony on a train, then went for a pint with it at a pub where the pony got glassed in the face and then the man took it to A&E. The release of The Hangover 2 has been postponed as nothing they wrote into that scrip could top the flashbacks that dude will be having this morning!!

A girl, 19, was caught naked and handcuffed to a bed during a sex IKEA! Her boyfriend Mr. Alan Key said he was having trouble screwing her at home!

A Doctor is facing the sack after suggesting The Bible to one of his patients. It probably wouldn't have been so frowned upon but the patients ailment was impotence and the bible isn't seen as suitable wanking material by the NHS (write your own joke about Psalms)

Well it's not the end of the world but I bet you got hammered on the weekend, pannicked and shagged a minger just in case. Now get back to work and think about your actions!!

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