Wednesday, 18 May 2011

News for Dummies 18/5

Arnold Schwarzenegger confesses he has a love child to his maid; and that he regrets his off screen catch-phraze “I’ll Bare Back!”

A family of Romanian Gypsies have rinsed £800’000 from our benefit system; Making our gypo’s look like proper Muppets as they struggle to make ends meet by steeling lead from school roofs and rummaging through skips. It’s funny that even our criminals are having their jobs taken by foreigners.

UK commit to building a new nuclear reactor; after seeing the support Haiti, Australia and  Japan got from the worlds economy in the wake of their disasters it seems only sensible to build a time bomb that we could set off whenever we need to sub some money.

Studies show that when times are tough biscuit sales soar. Is this really how people deal with their problems? I bet colonel Gadaffi is sat right now tucking into a pack of custard creams. And someone should offer Arnie a hob-nob.

What did you do at work yesterday Mr Justice secretary Kenneth Clark?? “Oh it was a productive day; I reduced the jail sentence for rapists!”  …..and I thought the bloke who gave me a parking ticket was a cunt!!

 O2 goes down and millions lose signal as a major mast in London was taken by thieves; three network wish they’d thought of that excuse. (and that’s the spirit British Pikey’s we knew you were up to the challenge)

Men who drink lots of coffee dramatically cut their risk of prostate cancer; but if this doesn’t fend off the big-C then simply dunk a digestive in your coffee.

A British woman is allergic to electricity, this means she cannot go near the iron, washing machine, kettle, hoover….. oh you sneaky bitch, pull the other one!!  I hope her husband has realised this doesn’t stop her doing the fucking dishes!!

Enjoy the rest of your day and have a biccy on me!! :o)

Lionel Richtea

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