Friday, 20 May 2011

News for Dummies 20/5

Jedward are to sing for Barack Obama in Dublin, The US President will be confused as to why Louis Walsh continually invades them both when they don’t even have oil!?

Irish undertakers have called for regulations to crack down on cowboy funeral services, (I love the stories in the papers over here) The Irish government rejected the proposed regulations claiming they’ll just end up with a big pile of dead cowboys!

2 Irish Barman are facing trial because a man drank himself to death (he didn’t drink himself that’s sick…. You know what I mean he drank so much (alcohol (whoa brackets within brackets within brackets it’s like inception)) he died)  I can’t believe they are blaming the barman, it’s like arresting the travel agent because Maddy went missing.

Michael Barrymore was rushed into hospital on suicide alert, hospital staff were tempted to let him get on with it, then dress him as a cowboy and ship his body over to Ireland.

Word finance chief Dominique Strauss Kahn roughed up two hookers that’ll teach them.
I mean who hasn’t smacked up a couple of prozzies, that’s the only reason I’m going to Amsterdam next month!

Supplements containing a vital ingredient could reduce complications in childbirth…I think that’s just called The Pill isn’t it??

Research has shown Viagra can make you go deaf; This isn’t good news for the Hard of hearing. And that’ll put an end to phone sex for my Granddad Harry!

I hope you enjoyed the hungover as fuck at 2 in the day news.... back on Monday at the usual earlier time of 12pm.

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