Thursday, 26 May 2011

News for Dummies 26/5

In the last year more than 200 driving examiners have been abused by people taking their test. But one examiner slapped the dashboard firmly and the abuse stopped immediately.
A poll was taken as to find out most hated sights on the beach, topping the list was hairy arm pits, sandals with socks and beer bellies; Yet much further down the list was “Sunburnt Children” I love that we would rather see a child in pain due to neglect rather than a German woman on the beach. Further down the list was dead puppies and rape.
The Soap manufacturer “Dove” has started a race row claiming it can improve your skin colour by making it lighter. However side effects of Dove include: Not being able to jump as high, poor coordination on the dance floor and a small cock.
A dating website for dogs called Mate Select has been launched; I think the misunderstood the concept of dog grooming.
A teenage boy who tried to insure his banger got quoted £18’000!!! This is insane! Who would insure a sausage!?
Here is an idea for a reality show: Take the cast of “Geordie Shore” and the “Only Way is Essex” Starve them for 2 weeks, strip them naked, lube them up and set them loose in Carindaru Prison in Brazil.  – I’m sure this would attract many viewers but also receive lots of complaints “Dear Point’s of View…. Why did they have to lube them up!?”
Funfair Boss Charlie Manning’s hearse passed through his beloved park in Suffolk; That didn’t take too long because it was speed night. The pall bearers had trouble lowering his coffin into the hole that wasn’t quite big enough but when they finally got it in they won a gold-fish.
Father of 3 David Harding has turned to counselling to fight Sausage addiction. He said the addiction is driving him up the walls, he finally sought counselling as it’s nearly got him bankrupt insuring the damn things!!
Now give the person sat next to you the middle finger.... just for the craic!!

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