Friday, 27 May 2011

News for Dummies 27/05

Elton John and his husband David furnish are the first gay parents shortlisted for celebrity dad of the year. My Dad is great but I once got roughed up on the school bus because he was seen coming out of Netto... now imagine the beating I would have got if he'd been seen coming out of Netto holding my other dads hand!!

Amy Winehouse popped into a shop to down a bottle of Vodka on her way to Rehab. It would be hypocritical of me to comment on this as I got flashed on the way to my speed awareness course, and wish I'd stopped for a bottle of Vodka on the way to conquer the boredom!

Simon Cowell axes Cheryl Cole from US X factor; We expect strike action, picketing and riots because that's what happened in the 80's up here when Maggie Thatcher stopped the Cole.

A one legged thief in Australia was caught after the police followed his footprint; Skippy, as I've chose to call him, had stolen goods in the front pouch of his jacket. Police were hopping mad when he tried to leg it, saying he didn't have a leg to stand on. He said they'd have done the same if the shoe was on the other foot.

Onlookers watched in HORROR (Fucking Horror!!) as a Lion ate a smaller animal that escaped into it's enclosure; Because Lions are renowned for skipping through the plains of Africa picking butter-cups and helping old ladies cross the road. If you don't want to witness nature then a Disney film is probably a better platform for your delusion than looking at an actual caged monster!

P.S. Just walk down the verge of any UK road to see how many cute animals the Human monsters mutilate!!

I think Dominique Strauss-Kahn might be John Leslie's long lost father.

A courier had his nose bitten off by a Dog.... How does he smell??

Birds have been found nesting in traffic cones; This isn't the first instance Tits were found in cones in most Maddona video's of the late 80's.

A south London School has banned hand-shakes High-5's and Hugs in a no contact policy; Hugs and Hand Shakes banned I could live with but High-5's??? How the hell are you supposed to react when your mate tells you they fingered someone?

It's Friday so I'll end on fingering.... start the weekend as we mean to go on eh!!?

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