Friday, 6 May 2011

News for Dummies 6/5

Families of the 7/7 bombing victims are given free tickets to the Olympics. Because that is just what they need, to be placed in the heart of the biggest terror alert in our countries history. The fear will really numb the pain of their loss.

Mel Gibson's ex-girlfriend has dropped domestic violence claims against him after "heated discussions" with him in a darkened room.

Playstation Network still down => Joanna Yeates' murderer found..... No coincidence, I'm onto something!

Barack Obama visit's ground zero to pay his tributes, it shows how times have changed, George Bush thought "Ground Zero" was a sugar-free coffee.

The arch bishop of Canterbury said the shooting of unarmed Al-Qaeda leader Bin-Laden was unjustified........ Grrrr I feel like grabbing my Bishop and shaking him violently!! <flicks back to page-3>
You know what's unjustified you old Cunt!? Touching kids on the crotch!!

Nazi army captain went on trial aged 97 for massacring Serbs in 1942 <= Playstation Network goes down, we catch up on shit we we're meant to be doing. Fact

A farmer has won compensation after one of his Bulls died from choking on a Comic Relief Balloon. The cows last words were a very high pitched "Moooooooooo" before it keeled over. It was so humiliating the farmer felt the need to take money from a charity!

Girls Aloud's Nicola Roberts is finally going solo, I knew it was too good to be true that a ginger had mates, back to being lonely.

Sam Tuffnell, 28, triggered a 30mph speed camera whilst on "Roller Blades" I know most of my readers from the Newcastle area will be struggling to picture such an incomprehensible scene but bear in mind this was in Brighton. Where grown men sometimes do wear roller-blades!

Gabby Logan denies internet rumours of having an affair with Alan Shearer, but he can't deny banging it in the back of Annette on Match of the day for years!

Enjoying the News blogs??? You'll love the live gigs I run. Come and See Me, Gary Delaney, Nathen Caten and Jonathan Elston at Concordia Leisure Centre (Cramlington) this Monday... for more details message me

Have a fucking mint weekend, get laid and wax your wages at the casino and come back on Monday to start it all again!

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